George Washington

In honor of our country's first president, whose birthday is today, I offer you the following:

This Is Your House On Drugs

I have spent the last several days painting our master bedroom and it has reminded me of a simple fact. Something that is so basic, yet we seem to forget on so many occasions. It is logical, yet profound. It very well could be the underpinning of municipal governance. And the fact is this: PEOPLE WHO DO DRUGS SHOULDN'T BE ISSUED BUILDING PERMITS. I don't say this to be funny or facetious. We've talked to our neighbors, they watched the house being built, they knew how it was going down. So let me reiterate: heavy drug use during construction = Crazy Fun House.

Some of the fun things that result are walls that are nowhere near square. Or even straight. Love crown moulding? Too bad, you can't put it up when the ceiling is undulating. I thought Jason was going to lose his mind trying to lay tile in a room that wasn't square -- although it did have a lovely peak in the middle.

The wiring is another story. There are multiple switches that all go to the same plug. There are switches that go to nowhere. Although we did discover that one was actually turning all the smoke alarms on & off. Nothing more convenient than a smoke alarm on a dimmer, in case you want to sleep in. We made sure all the batteries were working after discovering that little tidbit. You know you're in for a treat when the electrician laughs at you.

All of this is a prelude to my favorite design feature of this house. The textured walls. The heavily textured walls. THE EXTREMELY CHUNKY 1/2" THICK TEXTURED WALLS. What was the thought process here?? Let's just see how intensely we can texture before the drywall simply buckles?? The guy at the paint counter at the Despot tried to tell me I was buying way too much paint for one bedroom. I tried to explain to him how our walls are like a black hole for paint. Greedily sucking it up, ne'er to be seen again. He kept arguing with me. Apparently because I have a vagina and therefore can't possibly know how to paint a wall. Seriously?!? The economy's in the crapper and you're trying to talk me into buying less product?? Mix the freakin' paint!!

The paint did turn out lovely, even though it seems half the wall is now held together with spackle. It's awesome when a single swipe of the paint roller knocks off chunks of the wall. Spackle. More spackle. Spackle is always the answer. I've also been known to use toothpaste. And before you think our house is a cute, vintage, 1940s Oak Park bungalow, it's not. If it was, I could excuse the crumbling walls and the dangerous wiring. It's early 1990s. Which does not excuse the forest green carpet/aqua & gold linoleum combo. Nor do the drugs.

Before and after pics coming soon.........

Things I Observed On My Way Home From Mass This Morning

1. There was a smashed pumpkin in the intersection of Stockton and 39th. Seriously, who has been hanging onto a pumpkin for this long and what made them decide that last night was the night to let it go? What was left of it looked really moldy.

2. The 5 or so deflated Mylar balloons stuck in the branches of the tree next to the bus stop in front of the hospital have been there for over 6 months. And it's not like they're 40 feet up in the tree, they're about 8 feet off the ground. Hello, Maintenance? Can you take them down? They look really sad and depressing.

Okay Okay I'll Post More On My Blog!!!!!!!

Seriously. Really I will. I actually have much to post about and sometimes when I can't fall asleep at night I think about the things I should post and then I never get around to it. Yes, I'm a procrastinator, this is not a news flash. Ask my mom how many times I was up until Ridiculous o'Clock in the morning trying to finish (okay, start) some school project that I had known about for weeks. Or longer. Such behavior even led me to steal some reference materials from the Livermore Public Library because I needed them for a World History report that was due the next day and the library closed at 6PM on Sunday nights. Come on! Didn't they realize that 6 PM on Sunday night was the prime time to START doing projects due on Monday morning?? They should have had special extended procrastinator hours.

So I would like to take this occasion to apologize to the Livermore Public Library for absconding with their reference materials which were clearly stamped REFERENCE: NOT TO LEAVE THE LIBRARY. I also apologize to any unwitting patrons who really really needed information on Poland during the Cold War and who couldn't seem to find any materials in the reference section. I would also like to point out that I DID return said materials. Like, 3 years later.

And if you're wondering why I didn't just look this stuff up online?? Hello people, this was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before the Internet.......
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DISCLAIMER: This is not me. But you get the point.

Just FYI......

24%
Unfortunately, if 2009 brings an undead infestation upon this fair city, I most likely will not be around to blog about it. I took the test. It was on the internet. Tests on the internet don't lie.

Happy New Year!!!

Hello and Happy New Year to all my faithful blog followers! You know you're out there, don't be ashamed to admit it. Perhaps you have been dismayed by my lack of regular blogging. This is something I hope to change in this coming year. I have much to catch you up on from the last month of holiday festivities. And the coming year promises to hold many exciting changes and adventures!

I am proud to admit that I have finally become on of "those people" who can't even stay awake till midnight on New Year's Eve. Although I did wake up to the sound of fireworks outside our window (I love living in Oak Park) so does that sortof count?? I spent yesterday sleeping in, drinking coffee, and zoning out on college football. Man I can't stand USC. Did you catch the sweet ending to the Nebraska game?? GO HUSKERS!!


So like I said, stay tuned for holiday recap, as well as some sneak peeks of 2009!! I'll also tell you about my Word for 2009. Check out Ali Edwards' post about it for an explanation. Much love and kisses to all my readers!!!!

An open letter to people who pass by our house after shopping across the street at Walgreens/Food Source/Jack In The Box:

QUIT THROWING TRASH IN OUR YARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!